Life Update!!!!!!

    Hey there everyone!!! Once again, it has certainly been a long time since my last post. Boy, has a lot happened in my life since then! Ben and I got married in May of 2019!!! That part of life has been absolutely fantastic!! Within the first year of marriage, I got a promotion with work. I went from being an Assistant Front End Manager for Albertsons to being a full fledged Front End Manager! I'm not going to lie, the adjustment was not easy breezy, but I grew and learned and am doing pretty good at this job! 

    The store I currently work at is busier than my old store, so that was one thing to try and get used to. The other thing I had to get used to was the travel. It was an adjustment for both Ben and I. I had to get used to driving more, while Ben had to get used to me being away from home a little bit more. I think we have hit our stride now though. We have gotten ourselves into a nice little routine.

   Unfortunately, I have a somewhat bad update on my weight loss journey that I was on the last time I wrote. I have gotten on and off the horse with that a few times since the last post. The last real success I had was leading up to our wedding. I had lost almost thirty pounds at one point. Sadly, the stress of work along with the wedding planning got to me and I completely lost focus on those goals. However, I have in the last month gotten re-focused again. I have a weigh-in today which we will see how that goes.

    Since my last entry, I have officially entered my thirties! Boy was that interesting. Leading up to my thirtieth, I really started to self reflect. I looked back at my twenties and found myself thinking " What have I truly accomplished in my life?". That was not the best time for me. I began to focus too much on the negative things that had happened in my life. I was thinking about my first marriage, not finishing college, not being in the position I saw myself in at work, no kids....you see where this is going?  Then I finally started looking forward. What did I want to happen in my thirties? Ben and I decided on some pretty big goals. First, we want to purchase a home together to start our family in. Then, we want to begin an adoption. One professional goal I made for myself was that I want to be an Assistant Store Director.

    Well guys, that pretty much catches you up! I'm sorry it's been so long, and I hope to get back to making this a more consistent thing again. Thanks for reading, I hope your lives are going well! May we butterflies always soar!!!

Weeks 1 and 2

              Hello all! I certainly hope everyone enjoyed the last post. As you all know, I have re-set myself yet again on my weight loss journey. Well, in this post i'm going to let you all know how everything is going so far.
              When I started on day one of this journey, I honestly didn't know how long I could keep this up. I made the following rules for myself:
                                         1) don't eat a lot of read
                                         2) STAY AWAY FROM FRIED FOOD
                                         3) stay away from candy and chocolate
         The very first week, I was extremely determined. I ate very well. The only sweet thing I ate was fruit. I was also good about staying away from fried food. I ate pretty well every day. For breakfast I  mostly ate a banana and some oatmeal. For lunch, it was either a turkey wrap or a sandwich and maybe some apple slices. For dinner we kind of mixed things up with pork chops, steak, or chicken with a healthy side dish. At the end of week one, I ended up being down two pounds already!!
           Week two started out great!! I had just come off of the two pound weight loss from week one, and had been to the gym a couple times for an amazing couple of workouts. My eating habits started out pretty good. I was eating the same banana and oatmeal for breakfast, packing my lunches. Then something kind of rough happened.
             During one of my workouts on a Friday, I hurt my back. I ended up hurting myself for a bad reason. I had a sort of bug up my butt and decided I wanted to be in the cardio room at the gym for 45 min. As part of this goal, I spent 10 min on the elliptical. What some of you might not know is that a 4'11" frame does not belong on a traditional elliptical. Doing this action caused me to severely strain a joint in my back. I have gone through a lot to recover from this injury. I have had to see a chiropractor 4 times in a week. I also have to be extremely good about stretching and putting ice and heat on my back periodically.
              Having this injury messed with the really good eating I was doing. For the most part I have still been eating relatively well, however there have been a few meals that were not ideal. The first part of the week I wasn't eating enough because the pain was messing with my appetite. I spent the better part of three days sleeping, trying to recover after going to the chiropractor. When I started feeling better, I began to let myself have a little bit of the bad food I had been craving. There were a few nights we had fries as part of our dinner. The first two times I let myself get away with because we baked them in the oven.....(still not really ok to eat). The third time was really bad.....we ended up eating at a local fast food place because I came home from work starving. 
              Somehow, at the end of week two I still managed to loose another two pounds! I don't know if mostly eating good actually paid off or how it happened, but my body doesn't feel as good as it did the end of week one when I ate completely good food.
                  I'm very much hoping that I can keep us this weight loss momentum even with my slip ups. Keep an eye out for an update on week three! We can do this weight loss thing butterflies, just keep focused! May us butterflies ALWAYS soar!

Still trying...

             Hey there everyone! Boy has it been a long time since I have posted a new blog. Unfortunately life got a little in my way for too long. One of my New Years evolutions ( resolutions are way too easy to give up on) is to do a couple small things for myself every once in a while. The reason for this is because last year I feel like I let myself lose track too much on stuff that means a lot to me. Writing this blog is definitely one of the most important things to me.
              Writing this blog is only one of the things that I want to get back to for myself. Writing and giving advice that might help people is my way of giving back to the world. The way I see it, if just one person is positively affected by something I write they might spread the word and that would also in turn spread positivity.
                The second HUGE thing I am trying to get back on track with is my weight loss journey. I've been at this journey for the better part of two and half years and haven't gotten very far. I'm not sure what it was this time that got me to feel the need to get back on the wagon again, but yet again I find myself hitting the reset button of commitment to weight loss. It could be wanting to loose weight for my wedding, it could be the time of year, it could be the fact that I had been down 30 pounds and have gained back almost 20 of it in the past 9 months, it could honestly be a combination of all of the above.....I have absolutely no clue to be honest. I just know that I have the drive AGAIN and am tired AGAIN of hearing myself recommit. I truly do want this to be the last time I have to recommit. In the past 2 and half years I think I have recommitted to this at least 6 times. I know i'm not the only person out in the world that has had a similar issue losing weight, I just really hope that for all of the above reasons I can one hundred percent stay committed this time.
              One of my biggest hurdles on this weight loss journey is food. My two favorite things when it comes to food is sweets, and fried foods. I legitimately feel like an addict sometimes when it comes to food. I can go MAYBE a week eating salads and more veggies and stuff......and then the cravings hit me. When these cravings hit me, there is usually no stopping them. They get soo bad that my mind will not let me think about anything else besides the food i'm craving. I know I need to change my relationship with food. I have completely given up soda for exactly 13 months now, which was extremely difficult at first. I feel like if I could just channel whatever it was to allow my brain and body to give up soda, maybe I can give up the fried food and sweets. The trick though is trying to remember how I got my mind past the cravings. I remember kind of thinking to myself that I was allergic to soda. I would tell myself I was allergic to it so I wouldn't drink it.
              So, here we are. It is January 11, 2018. I am 4'11'', 223lbs. As of today, I am recommitting for what I sincerely hope is the last time. For at least awhile, this blog will document a butterflies struggle to lose weight. I will check with a new article once a week. I will let my readers know how my eating right went the past week, how my weight did that week, and just a little about how my emotions were that week( because yes, those do play a role in a weight loss journey too). I hope somehow documenting my journey will help at least one other butterfly out there. Until next week, and may us butterflies always SOAR!

Getting consistent

                Everyone who reads this blog knows that I along with many of my fellow butterflies are in a weight loss battle to keep ourselves healthy. Due to our unique genetic make-up, this task can be very difficult. In order for us butterflies to lose weight, we have to control many factors. The key factor I would like to talk about today is being consistent with absolutely everything having to do with your body.
                As a butterfly, you have to be consistent with a lot of things that have to deal with your body if you truly want to stay fit and healthy. The first, and most important thing being what you eat. Due to most of us having thyroid issues, we can't get away with eating healthy only some of the time. You have to eat really healthy just about  one-hundred percent of the time. For me, this part of my weight loss journey is the most difficult. It is the most difficult for me because I allowed myself to eat extremely unhealthy for soo long. When you do what I did and let yourself eat way too much fried foods and sweets, your body starts to react as if it absolutely needs those things and makes you crave them. The cravings are the worst! However, if you can be strong enough to push through the craving phase and avoid all the terrible food, your body will both thank and reward you. I will admit, I am not completely away from the fried foods and sweets yet, but I have severely cut back. There is one important bad food for me I have completely cut out though, and that is soda. As of the moment I am typing this, I have gone almost 5 months without a single sip of soda or energy drink! I am very proud of myself for this accomplishment, but am also very aware that if I truly want the weight loss results I'm looking for I need to cut out the rest of the bad food completely.
                Yet another important thing us butterflies have to be consistent with is remembering our meds. You may not know it, but if you don't take those thyroid meds, those HRT meds, along with all your vitamins consistently, you will throw off your bodies vital hormones and not lose any weight. One thing some butterflies are not aware of is that if you are trying to lose weight and your hormones are off balance, absolutely no weight will be lost. Your bodies hormones are extremely vital to the weight loss process.
                  The third key to absolute weight loss success is extremely tricky to do, even for me. You have to be consistent with doing some kind of workout every single day. Some of you may be reading this and say to yourself " that's the easy part Holly, what are you talking about"? You may think it's easy when you first start out. Usually in the beginning people are all stoked and gung-ho about their goals, its as you go along and possibly start to lose interest that makes it difficult. The other thing that makes it difficult is making a workout schedule to co-exist with your work schedule. For example, I myself have recently had a difficult time with this because some days I work a full eight hour shift on my feet and get home and all I want is dinner and rest. This fact hit me hard because I've been trying to lose weight for quite some time now and have mostly been getting no-where. I realized I needed consistancy.
            It took me getting well into my weight loss journey to realize that doing these things is what I needed to get where I want to be. Being consistent with these three things should help all of you and myself get exactly where we want to be health wise. I will keep you all informed as I move forward with these new realizations and putting them into action. I hope that this realization helps you all too. I would love to hear any of your weight loss stories as well! May we all forever soar!

           

Positivity Control

                 What a lot of people in this world is need to realize, is that there are actually very few things in this world that we can control. Sometimes we wish we could control all aspects of our life, but the truth is...there is maybe a handful of things in this world we can control.

                  One of the few things we do have control over, is how much positivity is actually in our lives. You may be asking " How on earth can I control the amount of positivity in my life??". The short answer is to not allow yourself much time with people who are negative. For example, If you have a co-worker who is constantly complaining about everything....minimize your exposure to the negativity by trying to either stay focused on the customer or task in front of you or you can also just try to work in a different area not so close to the person.

                   A second way you can try to keep the positivity up is to make yourself a list, a list of all the good things in your life. I do this sometimes simply because all the bad stuff that comes up in life can sort of foreshadow the good, so if you make yourself more aware of the good the bad won't foreshadow as long.

                  One other thing that you can do, which is a little tricky....is to force yourself into a good attitude.You can do this several ways. Sometimes I put myself into a good attitude by waking up and simply saying out loud " Today is gonna be a good day".Sometimes just watching or listening to something funny can boost your mood too. Sometimes just being around kids helps me have a good day too.At work, I have a lot of kids that come in regularly and love to say hi to me. It is so awesome to get to catch up with the kids and the parents, that is what helps make my days better.

                  I know we have all heard about this next method of staying in a good mood. It is very simple too.....exercise. I know it's pretty typical, but it really does work. I have noticed in myself that it just perks me up after I'm done with my workout. I used to be on anti-depressants, but since I've started working out on a consistent basis I have been able to stop taking the pills.

                 There are very few things on this earth we can control, but how happy and positive we are is one those few things. You have to also believe you can control in order to completely gain more positivity. You can't just do these things and think they will work like magic, you have to truly believe that doing these things will help you. If you want your life more positive, you can change it.

When to tell....

One of the most frequent questions I see Turner’s girls ask of each other is when to tell someone you are dating about it Turner’s and all that it encompasses. For me, I have always told a guy almost right off the bat. It tends to weed out two things……the first being if they are truly interested in getting to know you for you, the second is if they are really ok with everything that having Turner’s entails.

I have had two very different experiences with giving this information. When I told my ex-husband he seemed really ok with everything I was telling him. He had me soo convinced that of course we got married. Well, when it came to the time in the marriage that we really started talking about expanding our family he started showing his true colors. He started throwing the infertility in my face when we would get in fights. He had no idea how to be there for me every time a doctors test would come back with bad results. I was totally on my own.

With my boyfriend, he was absolutely amazing and understanding. I told him about a week or two into the relationship. Not only was hej sincerely interested in the information I was telling him, he looked stuff up about it all on his own! This really touched my heart. Now that we have been together over a year, we have been talking about what will happen in our future. We have discussed the children situation many times and every time I walk out of that conversation feeling completely supported.

I hope every single one of you butterflies has an experience like my second one. If you start hearing things that point you into thinking that the guy you are with is not really ok with going through adoption or IVF or any of the other options we have…then I’m sorry but you might wanna end that relationship, because as soon as one of those processes start they are going to get very overwhelmed and start saying things that are hurtful. I kind of check-in with my boyfriend every once in a while and ask him if he is still sure he feels he can handle one of these excruciating processes…every time it’s the same answer…” of course babe. We will be going through this together.” Part of our responsibility is doing our research and thoroughly explaining to the guys what these processes are like.

I hope this advice is helpful, I also hope it doesn’t scare you….that was not the intent. We must also have faith in our men ladies. Faith that they are being honest, and that from the beginning they understand what this entails and that they can truly handle it. May we always soar!!

Self-Esteem Booster

One issue that I have noticed, not only in us butterflies but in ALL women is self-esteem. This world is full of women who don’t know their full potential, feel bad about themselves, don’t think they are pretty, or don’t think they are worth a man spending time on them.

One thing I want ALL women who read my blog to know is that you are always worth while. You are always beautiful. You should never feel bad about yourself. You are always worth people spending time on you.

There are many possible reasons for low self-esteem in women. Whether it’s not getting approval from either one or both of our parents, a significant other that constantly tells you awful things about yourself, a sibling telling you hurtful things, whatever it is that puts your self-esteem low try to reverse it once you catch it. You catch it by realizing when think stuff to yourself like “ what guy would want to date me?”, “ nothing looks good on me!”. There are tons of negative thoughts that you could catch going through your head.

Now, how do you reverse it? First off, if you are in a relationship with someone who is constantly telling you negative things about yourself leave! Second, and this is gonna sound really weird but I swear to you that I have actually done this before, look at yourself in a mirror…..now repeat to yourself(whether outloud or in your head) I am worth while. I am beautiful. I am special. Just repeating those things can help. One other thing I do is to pick one thing that I enjoy to do and do it for at least 20 minutes everyday. It doesn’t have to be the same thing every day. It can be several different things, the important thing is that you do one specific thing for yourself for at least 20 minutes.

One thing I want to talk about is that we women need to always lift each other up, not tear each other down. Shoot, we should do this as humans not just women. It absolutely astounds me that we as human beings can talk crap behind each other’s back and destroy each other so easily. There is enough bad stuff in this world. Let’s not add to it by tearing each other apart. It’s just one small thing each of us can do to possibly make this world a little bit better.

I hope the tips I gave to help your self-esteem really do help. The way I see it is that if these tips helped even one person feel better about themselves then I’ve helped make a difference. As Ellen Degenerous says…Be kind to one another.

Persevere

Persevere. It’s a word we hear a lot of today, but don’t always know the true meaning of. People sometimes think that persevere is a synonym for success. Persevering can lead to success, but it’s not a direct synonym. Persevere to me means pushing past all the hard, disappointing, depressing, stuff in life to have a happy one no matter what.

Us Turner’s girls do have to persevere a lot. We push through things like having to go through heart surgery, putting ourselves through IVF or even going through the adoption process. We put ourselves through second guessing guys intentions sometimes. We deal with adapting our lives to our height. Bottom line is that us butterflies end up having to go through a lot of difficult stuff.

We are put through it for a reason though. That reason is because we CAN handle it. As much as we fight it and say that we simply can’t take anymore, we always get through it. We get through because we know the great good that will come at the end. You persevere through IVF or adoption, you get the absolute joy of being a parent. You get through the heart surgery, you come out feeling ten times better.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, no matter what hardship you are going through right now, know that you will get through it BECAUSE you are a butterfly. Do yourself a favor and think back to all the stuff you’ve already gotten through……amazing isn’t it? If you can get through all that stuff, what’s stopping you from getting through this? You can achieve and persevere through whatever you put your mind too. Have a good one butterflies, and may we always soar!

Letter To The Parents

Letter to the parents:

This posting is for all of you out there who are parents of girls with Turner’s or are soon to be parents of a little girl with Turner’s. This road you are on is going to be very long and have a lot of bumps in it.

If you are a parent that has found out that your unborn daughter has Turner’s, my thoughts are with you. From what I’ve gathered from the other butterflies and butterfly parents I have been in contact with this is the most difficult road. The doctor’s will say a lot of really scary things to you. They will tell you that the chances of this baby even coming to term will be slim. They may even suggest you contemplate termination of the pregnancy.  They will most likely tell you that if the odds are defied and the baby survives that she will have a very hard time fitting in and possibly have a difficult time with school. While these things may be true for some of us butterflies, it is not true for all of us. You must have faith that your little butterfly can defy all odds, because that’s what we typically do.

Now, I am a butterfly..not a parent to one so I can only tell you what I have observed and what I believe my own parents went through with me. Some of you parents may be very extraverted or outward about your concerns for your daughter, and some of you might be introverted or inward about your concerns for your daughter. Both ways are perfectly good, because either way your daughter will know you care. I recently realized that I had one of each type growing up. My mom was very extraverted about her concerns. She was very vocal about her worry and concern. My dad on the other hand was very introverted about his concerns and worry. What I recently realized was that he did that for a very good reason. When I was a kid, it may have felt like he wasn’t very involved. Now that I’m an adult and have a different perspective I realize that the way he was involved was very behind the scenes. In his own way he did certain things behind the scenes so that while the Turner’s may have affected my life, he was going to provide everything else so that nothing else besides the Turner’s would affect my life so much. Either way you are with your daughter is a good way.

There are other parts of being a parent to a butterfly I want you folks to know. You are going to be somewhat bombarded by doctors. Your daughter is going to need a regular pediatrician, a cardiologist, and an endocrinologist. She may also need more doctors than that at some point. These doctor’s may not always agree on certain treatments either. As the parent, it is your job to listen to all of them and decide what route is best for your daughter and fight for that decision. Most of the bumps in the road as a parent to a butterfly will have to deal with medical decisions. Never fun, but necessary.

I hope this has been helpful and has helped you prepare. May all your butterflies always soar and defy the odds.

It Never Goes Away

So by now we all know that infertility is one of the most having Turner's Syndrome. It's not easy for any woman to handle. There are several components that will literally tear a woman down emotionally. I'm not even going to pretend that this post is strictly about Turner's Woman dealing with infertility. This post is about how ALL woman typically deal with the infertility. Now, I have written a previous post about how infertility doesn't always mean you won't be a parent, and I hope you all read it and that it was helpful. This post believe it or not is going to delve a little deeper.

I'm a member of a few Turner's support groups on facebook and there is a repeat question that is constantly asked..."Does the pain of infertility ever go away?". Sadly everyone I have to report that at least for the woman I know who have fertility issues it doesn't ever one hundred percent ever go away. There are reminders everywhere you look too. 

Here is what I personally have gone through. When I first got test results back on my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) levels I was immediately in denial. I thought that just because a hormone level was off it didn't matter. My mind told me that I could change those levels with diet or taking a pill or something. It didn't really hit me that hard.  A little over a year later I had a pelvic ultrasound done to find out exactly what was going on with my "equipment" so to speak. It didn't REALLY hit me until after I got the results of that ultrasound. That day I will never forget. That day made my heart break into a thousand pieces. My doctor had personally called me with the results instead of having the nurse tell me. She told me I have what is called a bilatteral uterus. This basically means that my uterus is divided in two. The ultrasound also revealed that my ovaries were either non-existent or at the most what they call "streaks". Between knowing what my FSH levels were, the bilatteral uterus, and basically being told I have no ovaries I broke down majorly. I spent a good half an hour straight balling my eyes out. I had to compose myself though, because I had to be to work two hours after the phone call was recieved from my doctor.

Of course you would think that you might have at maximum a couple weeks of devestation and then be back to normal, and that's true to a certain extent. The truth of the matter is that deep down I truly have accepted the fact that I won't be a birth mother. Here are ways that it will catch up with you though. At least for me, it's really tough to hear every time a family member or freind is pregnant. I am always genuinely happy for them, but at the same time it's always a reminder that I won't have the joy of posting an ultrasound pic on facebook of a baby that is growing inside of ME. It's a reminder that I will never get to look at my someday Husband and tell him that the baby is moving and reach for his hand to let him feel it. Something at least that also makes it hard for me is working in a grocery store. You may be thinking to yourself " How on earth does that have anything to do with infertility?". The truth is that it's very difficult to see all these young couples come in, I'm talking that they are my regular customers from soon after they meet, and slowly see them get married and get the whole happy ending when I know that there will be one key piece for me always missing.

There will always be those people too who tell you" It's not the end of the world. You can always adopt.". I know they mean well, but the people who say that don't understand the half of how difficult an adoption really is.First off, the cost alone is substantial. Then you have at least a hundred different hoops to jump through. IVF is just as frustrating. Sometimes the embryos aren't viable, after transfer there is the high risk of miscarriage, and many more things that could still go wrong.

For me, on the day to day I don't struggle with it too bad. I handle it pretty well. It's when I see the pregnant customers at work though, or see on facebook about family getting pregnant. These things and a few others are my triggers for getting reminded about and not really feeling too great about it. For many women who suffer from infetility it makes us feel useless too. Makes us feel like we can't fulfill one of the major things that nature made us for. We worry if we have a man in our life that not being able to bear him children will make him run in the opposite direction.

For you guys reading that have a woman in your life with infertility I have only one piece of advise for you gents to help you out because I know this situation isn't a good one for you guys just as much as it is difficult for us women to go through. You guys sometimes feel useless in trying to make us feel better about the situation. The only thing you can really do is just be there for the woman in your life and assure her that you will always be there no matter what happens. Most of the time that's all we need to hear. We might need to hear it more than a few times though.

There you have it folks. A litte insight as to what you women can expect to go through as you wait for the test results to come back, when you do get the results back, and more. What helps me get through those days when I have a lot of reminders is journaling and reminding myself that my situation doesn't make me any less of a woman or person. I hope this post is very helpful to everyone who reads it and as always.......may us butterflies always soar!

The Heart

As many of you know, there are many health issues associated with Turner's Syndrome. There is everything from kidney issues, being diabetic, heart issues, and of course the reproductive issues. Today I would like to talk to everyone about the heart issues and possibly how to strenghthen your heart and prevent worsening the issues.

One of the major heart issues that can happen with Turner's its whats known as coarctation of the heart. Coarctation of the Aorta is when there is a narrowing of a section of the Aorta to an abnormal width. This can cause a dangerous flow of blood in the heart which will more than likely kill you. This is only one of the many reasons us butterflies need to take extreme care of our hearts.

To take care of our hearts takes a few steps. The first step is to keep a diet low in fat. If you eat a diet that is too high in fat, this could worsen the narrowing of the arteries already happening by the coarctation. Fat could easily build up and make the path through the artery virtually non-existant. I'm even going to begin to tell you to completely stay away from fat. Truth be told, I don't even follow that. What I can advise you to do is to eat lean meats when you feel like eating meat. Also, the milk you drink should be at two percent fat or lower. don't go through the drive through of fast food too much. That right there is an evil trap.

A second step in taking care of your heart is.......as you might have guessed excercise. The right excercise to be precise. Doing cardio is always good for your heart. What some people might not know is that there are two types of cardio. Those two types are aerobic and anaerobic. Aerobic is when your body is getting a lot of oxygen. This is good for your body to a certain extant, however you need to also balance it with a small amount of anaerobic cardio every once in a while. Anaerobic cardio is when you work your heart with little oygen. This may sound like a bad idea at first because you are seeing the words "little oxygen". The truth is that if you do SHORT bursts of anaerobic activity it's good for your body because it makes your body huff and puff and work for the oxygen making all the muscles in your body stronger, this includes your heart. Always consult a doctor with this information first, but I have been doing 30 second sprints 4 times and day only 3 days a week and I have been feeling a major difference!

If you want to learn more about what coarctation is and how you can prevent it if you have it, you can take a look at the wikipedia article I have linked to the blog. You can also always speak with your cardiologist who should be able to explain it fairly well. As always, I hope this was helpful and may your health stay strong. May us butterflies always soar!

Taking Off Those Extra Pounds

For some of us Turner's Butterflies, our weight can be a little issue. If you are like me and have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism ( underactive thyroid), losing weight can be extremely difficult. Trust me, ive tried just about every trick in the book.

You might be asking what the link is between hypothyroidism is and having issues losing weight. The link is very simple. The thyroid is a gland in your body that secrets the hormones needed to encourage your body to burn fat and make muscle. Therefore, if the gland isn't producing enough of the hormones you won't be able to lose the weight. I would like to share with a few things I have come across lately that have helped me finally lose weight.

The first thing you need to do if you have Hypothyroidism is be very good about taking your thyroid medication. If taken wrong the meds won't really do you any good. One of the things I hope your doctor or pharmacist instructed you on, was that you need to take your thyroid meds on an empty stomach and give it about an hour before you eat anything. For me this started out being difficult because I am also on medication that I usually take at the same time, but the other medication makes me extremely hungry. I had to learn to make myself wait just a little bit so my thyroid meds would have a chance to do their thing.

One thing I started doing recently that really helps is actually making smoothies with breakfast! My boyfreind makes these awesome smoothies that we share almost every morning. We usually put banana in, frozen strawberries, peaches, spinach, blackberries, and even apples. This one smoothie even split between the two of us has all the vitamins we need to kickstart our day, and believe it or not they taste amazing too!

Another thing I just kinda decided to try recently and worked, was cutting back on how much soda I drink. I actually try to stay away from a lot of sugar period. This isn't making the pounds totally melt off but it is helping.

Well, folks,  I hope these tips help you, and I encourage anyone to write me about how much these and other tips I have given have helped. I love to hear from you guys. It fills my heart with happiness to hear these amazing stories. May we butterflies always soar!!

A Little Encouragement

This week folks, I did something absolutely extroardinary. I did what's called " beating the deck". What is beating the deck? It is something that not everyone can do and feels absolutely amazing when you do. As you have most likely read in previous posts, My wonderful and amazing boyfreind is also my trainer, well he has this system where you use a deck of playing cards to determine how many repititions to do for an excercise. Jokers are 25 reps each hand, Aces are 20,Kings down to Jacks are 15 reps each hand and the rest are face value. In total, the deck contains 1252 reps. What I did to beat the deck was complete 1252 reps with a 14.8lb sledge hammer against a tire. The total weight I lifted was 8.6 tons!

You may be asking yourself what on earth does this have to do with being a butterfly. In my opinion, it has absolutely everything to do with it. If tiny me at a staggering 4'11" can move 8.6 tons worth of weight, I can do anything I put my mind to. Us butterflies constantly hear comments about how we can do certain things because we are too small. Just because we are small, doesn't mean we aren't strong both mentally and physically.

The way I see it, if I can do that amazing feat of beating the deck....the rest of you reading this can do something very similiar. I'm not just talking brute physical strength here. I'm talking about getting an A on that really important test, getting to law school or medical school, becoming a college or professional athlete, Whatever you set your mind to, if you have the right drive and determination you can always meet your goal.

Trust me when I say that beating the deck was both a physical and mental struggle. It took me just over an hour to hit that hammer against the tire 1252 times. About half way through my body was telling me to give up, I'd beat the deck another day. My brain on the other hand was telling me that I began the day telling myself that today was the day that I was going to complete this feat and I needed to do what I told myself  I was going to do. It took a lot, but I pushed and pushed and beat the deck the day I decided to.

I hope this story gives you a little incentive to go after your dreams, whether you are a butterfly or not. Us butterflies go through a lot of hurdles, but we can always jump over them...never go around. May we always soar!!!!

How To Adapt A Workout

Ok, lets be honest here, sometimes because of our size, us beautiful butterflies can't always do excercises how they were meant to be done. This only means that we have to modify them a little bit. I'm one of the lucky girls who has a trainer for a boyfreind so he helps me modify stuff he notices is a little difficult.

One of the things my boyfreind has suggested to me,( becuase he has noticed that my short arms and legs make excercises such as the bear crawl and crab walk difficult) is to simply hold the pose instead of actually trying to move around. For instance, instead of actually doing a crab walk, (which is when you have yourslef up off the ground wtih your back to the floor) simply do what is called a table maker. One other brilliant piece of advice he has given me is to make sure to do a lot of work on my legs. They can be a very valuable asset.

Another piece of working out that is extremely important is remembering to breathe. Sometimes you'll see these huge guys try to lift an enormous amount of weight in the gym....except they almost look constipated! That's because they haven't completely worked out a good breathing pattern for when they lift heavy weight. Having a good breathing pattern can also help prevent various injuries in the gym. There are various books out there on how to properly stretch before and breathe during a workout....please be safe.

Another aspect to us butterflies having to sometimes adapt, is switching up our arm positioning. Remember, if it doesn't feel quite comfortable, change where your arms are so that you are more comfortable doing the excercise. If the position of your arms is not comfortable you could hurt yourself.

One amazing piece of equipment to workout with that I have found is a called Lifeline Cables. They are very versatile and easy to adapt to your needs. You can do every single excercise that you go to the gym for and use machines with these cables. The best part is, you don't have to worry about those pieces of gym equipment such as the overhead press machine that the handle is too hard to reach for. I've only been using these cables for a short time, but they are amazing!!!

Well ladies, I hope these tips and tricks help you get or stay healthy. Sometimes instead of asking the world to adapt to us, we need to adapt to it.

May us butterflies soar!!

What Can Tell You About Adopting

One of the things I have talked about in previous posts is that us butterflies have plenty of other opportunities to become mothers. One of these very key opportunities is through adoption. Now don't get me wrong, adoption is not the first choice for everyone....but it is my first choice and I will explain why. I will also give you a little information on how to go about it yourself should you choose to.

Adoption is my first choice for more than a few reasons. The first reason is because there are way too many children in this country already who need someone to show them love, kindness, and that the world can be an amazing place. The second, is that when you compare the cost of adoption and I.V.F they are roughly the same. If you ask me though, you have a better shot at becoming a parent through adoption than you do through I.V.F. Now, don't get me wrong, I completely understand why someone would want to choose I.V.F for themselves. I would be lying if I didn't admit that at some point I had considered it myself. In the end though, adoption won out for me. One last reason I have chosen adoption is because the government(U.S) pays you back a certain amount of the adoption fees when you file taxes the following year. I know that sounds like a selfish reason,but what I would do with that tax break is put it in a college fund for the child.

Be prepared, because adoption is a very lenghthy and difficult process. The first step I would reccomend taking is doing a simple google search for a local adoption agency. Do your research though, find reviews and maybe even try to speak face to face with someone who has used that agency. The agency itself will help guide you through the process, it is part of their job. The next step I would reccomend is finding a lawyer who specializes in adoption. Very few people know this, but lawyers are required by law to log a certain amount of "pro-bono" work each year......there are a good amount of lawyers who make doing adoptions a good part of that log because it's their way of giving back to the community. After you've found your agency and lawyer, set an appointment for an in home study. Your lawyer and agency will help you know who to call. This is the most difficult part of the process. When you go through an in home study they literally look at EVERYTHING. They observe how you and your partner interact, the cleanliness of your home, if you have enough space, they look at your finances, they do a federal and state background check, they dig into your medical records...especially if you have a psychological history. After the home study it's mostly waiting on a bunch of paperwork to go through the court and is a giant waiting game.

One way to make the adoption process go quicker is to be a foster parent first. You still have to go through a bunch of stuff to get certified and all that, but because the steps for fostering and straight adopting are pretty much the same, it makes everything go faster with the courts once an adoption is attempted.

There you have it folks, what I know and can help you with when it comes to adoption. It's not a whole lot, but I hope it was helpful. This is not the only option we have, but it's a pretty darn good one.Until next time folks.....May us butterflies always soar!

How To Become A Little Stick Of Dynamite

Alright ladies, time to get extremely real. How many of us have heard throughout our lives those typical, somewhat condesending remarks. We all know the ones..."You can't do that, your too small.", " You can't lift that, your too weak.", or comments like " You can really do that?". Now, us butterflies have many disadvantages, but we can knock those disadvantages out one by one simply by turning ourselves into what I call little sticks of dynamite.

Now, we all hear it from our doctors that we need to live as healthy of a lifestyle as possible, because we already have so many health issues. Whether we want to admit it or not, our doctors are right. This is a lesson I have had to learn the hard way. When I turned 21, my doctor had to put me on medication for diabetes. Now, I'm not full blown diabetic but I was close enough to need medication. It started hitting me how bad my health really was. I would go on and off diets and excercise routines for a good 4 yrs before I finally thought to myself " What the hell am I doing? I still eat like crap, I haven't really lost any weight because I keep losing and then just gaining it right back. And, im still on the diabetes medication. If I don't wake up soon and truly fix this, I will end up diabetic."

So I began slowly changing my eating habits on my own. I stopped going through the drive thru after work do much. I also started packing my lunches for work sometimes. You see, I work in a grocery store, so when I don't pack a lunch and buy something instead, there's the evil service deli. That food back there is just as bad for you as a drive thru. Slowly over a couple of months I lost about fifteen pounds. Then, I met my amazing boyfreind Ben. He just so happens to be a former personal trainer. He should me some amazing workouts that even really out of shape people can do pretty easily. He started out showing me sort of yoga routines. Then we went to something called VRT(visual resistance training). VRT has got to be one of my favorites! You don't need a single piece of equiment! All you do is picture in your mind what you want to be lifting, then you flex your muscles as if you are acutally lifting whatever it is you want, and put your body through the motion. We have fairly recently started doing workouts where we use a deck of cards to determine our reps, and swing a sledge hammer against a tire! That one is awesome too! You really get out some aggression. If you would like to learn more about his training methods, visit Ben at powerandmight.blogspot.com or his full website at ben-bergman.branded.me. He has many tools to help transform you into that stick of dynamite.

The other reason I decided to turn myself into a stick of dynamite is really quite funny. I love to see the look on peoples face when they see me do something physical and say " Holy crap! You are tiny, and very strong!". For example, one day I was helping a few of my checkers out by bagging groceries for them. There was a customer who needed a twenty pound bag of ice and a ten pound bag of ice. I grabbed both bags of ice at the same time. The child that was with the customer said " Wow mommy, she is really strong!" and the mom replied " Yes, she is very strong!". It's moments like that that make me feel amazing. And I'm just starting my dynamite journey. I can't wait to see how strong I become in the coming months.

Us butterflies may always be small, but we don't always have to be weak. You don't need a personal trainor to become that stick of dynamite either. Just visit my boyfreinds pages and you will be given many tools to help you become a stick of dynamite all on your own.

May us butterflies always soar!

How To Survive An Average Sized World

As many of you have most likely experienced, us butterflies sometimes have a difficult time reaching things or doing certain things thanks to our being " vertically challenged " if you will. Throughout my life, I have learned little tips and tricks that I would love to share with everyone. The first and most important tool we all need in our homes is......a step stool! believe it or not it comes in handy more often than you think.

I personally use a step stool several times a day. to reach high cabinets, get that last little bit of laundry out of a top loading washer, clean high places, and soo much more. When I was younger though, the step stool didn't even help much. One of my chores as a kid was of course to unload the dishwasher and put everything away. Well, I was so small that I had to use the step stool to get onto the counter and then be on the counter itself to put everything away. My dad didn't like that one too much at all. He was always afraid that I would fall off the counter and hurt myself. I even had to use the step stool to just wash the dishes, so i could see over the sink well enough.

Another interesting obstacle for us butterflies is driving. At least from what I have been through, it's hard to find a car that I can both easily see over the dashboard and touch the peddles. I usually end up drivng little compact cars. Although, one time I had this really awesome SUV. I could get away with driving because both the seat and the gas peddle moved and adjusted. For some cars, I just throw a pillow under me! There are many ways for us to be able to drive though.

The most interesting place to try to adjust, at least for me, is work. I work in a grocery store, so lots of things are high. When a customer asks me where an item is, and it is on the top shelf, they usually just smile and thank me for showing me where it is. I wish I could go that extra mile though and actually get it down for them. My work place is pretty cool though, I'm lucky. They have step stools in almost every department to help me out. Some work places aren't like that though, so you might want to just ask your boss if its ok if maybe you just bring in a step stool.

There are many obstacles for us butterflies already, so let's not continue to make high places another one. I hope these tips and tricks help. May the butterflies soar!

The Most Difficult

The hardest part of having Turner's for me has been the infertility. I was only about 15 when I was told that more likely than not I would not be able to have my own children. Being that young I tried to tell myself that the doctor's were wrong, I would be one of the chosen few with mosiac Turner's that would get pregnant. I always held out the little speck of hope.

When I was first put on the birth control and fairly easily got my first cylce, I honestly bacame even more excited. That fact made the sliver of hope grow. Through my teens, I focused on the tiniest of chances that I would one day become a mother. When I babysat neighborhood children, I would force myself to treat and talk to them as I pictured myself doing someday to my own children. I held this hope until about two and half years ago.

Two and a half years ago, I wanted to actually start going through the tests to find out exactly what my chances were to get pregnant. The first test I had my doctors do was test my FSH( follicle stimulating hormone), when I got the results back I was somewhat devastated. My doctor had told my that my FSH levels were at a post menapausal rate. I shrugged it off though, because I hadn't been on my medication so I figured if I got back on my meds the levels would change. The second test that they ran was a pelvic ultrasound. For those that don't know, a pelvic ultrasound is basically the same thing as when a woman is pregnant, but you aren't looking for the baby.The results of this test really devastated me. I was told that they couldn't even see my ovaries, either they were only streaks......or they didn't exist.

The devastation I felt on those occaions was inmeasurable. I wanted to curl up in a ball and hide. It had hit me that I would never experience the joys of pregancy. I would never have sonogram appointments, I would never feel the baby kick, I would never have the man in my life feel my stomach to feel the baby, and the biggest one of all......I would never experience giving birth. To be brutally honest, the devastation never has ever really left my heart. I'm at that age to where all my freinds are getting married and having children. Most of the girls I went to school with already have 2 or even three kids. Sometimes I get thrown back to being the outcast.....I'll be the only one of my family and freinds to not have my own children. Most of the time I'm ok with it, I've accepted it. The times it usually starts hitting me agian is when I found our about another freind of family member having a baby. One of the hardest days of the year for me is mother's day.

I'm not gonna sugar coat this, this is the absolute worst part about Turner's for me. I'm not the only girl with Turner's who feels this way either. If you look at message boards and other blogs you will hear a lot of the same things about the infertility that I am telling you now. From what I've noticed, the infertility is a big reason that most Turner's girls end up finding careers that somehow involve children. My advice to all who read is this, find a good councelor to help with the grief and help you learn to accept the horrible truth. A really good councelor can also get you in touch with resources such as adoption, foster care, and IVF. I know it's definitely not the same, but if you want to be a parent bad enough....you have options.

How My Life Has Been Affected Part 3

Now, from what i've told you in the previous two parts of this story, overall Turner's hadn't really affected me up until I was fifteen. Right at about fifteen is where I really started being affected. A lot of stuff came to light about the Turner's when I was fifteen. I was a fifteen year old taking medications for my thyroid, as well as birth control. I was just starting high school too which was a bit of a battle on it's own. The bullying only got worse as I got older too.

My freshman year of high school was a bit of a pit of hell. As if I wasn't smaller than everyone as it was, most of my class hit growth spurts the summer before we started high school. I had also finally started having monthly cycles like the other girls my age that year too. I remember when I had my first couple of cycles the girls were amazed cause most of them had been dealing with that issue for a couple years. I also hadn't really told a lot of my class about the Turner's syndrome until now either. I didn't need my classmates to have yet another reason to think I was different. I didn't really have a choice though when high school started because the differences really started becoming obvious. I never really felt like I fit in at all in high school. I was always treated like an underclassman because I was so much smaller than everyone. People were always asking why I was so short and how tall I was. It was kind of annoying to constantly answer these questions. This kind of stuff just continued all through high school. It didn't help that my parents split halfway through my freshman year....I had to move and start a new high school where nobody understood me.

The high school I went to for my sophmore and junior years was really cruel. I was called "umpa loompa" and other hurtful names behind my back. Between the name calling, constantly feeling like I didn't belong, and my parents split, I ended up in a very bad depression throughout most of high school. I never attempted suicide or anything, but i never wanted to go out and be a "normal" teenager. I usually stayed home with my nose in a book. I always had a bad mood, I hated the world. I was also a very stressed out teenager because I had to attempt to accomplish a ton of homework as well as work a part time to help my mom out. The depression got so bad, I was constantly having thoughts of suicide. I should let you all know that girls with Turner's are sometimes prone to depression. What got me through that the depression was knowing that I was too damn young and I there were so many things I knew I wanted to accomplish.

One of the things that got me through that I wanted to accomplish was going to college. I started community college right out of high school. I started out going to school to become a paralegal. College started out just like high school, I still didn't fit in. I was still treated like I was at least five years younger than I really was. I was still answering the same questions from high school too.I mainly just went to campue and got through classes, I didn't really interact with anyone from classes. I never joined a study group or anything. Shortly after I started college, I met my now ex-husband and things started to change. I snapped myself out of my depression mostly but I still had my moments yet at the end of the day I could still be me.

How TS has affected my life.....part 2

In the last post, I spoke about how Turner's had affected my life from diagnosis to about age 10. As you may have gathered, as I have gotten older it has affected me in different ways.  This post may contain some information that gets a little personal for people: but I want to share it anyway, because when I was growing up I wish someone had shared this information with me.

Most people know that when you are in either fifth or sixth grade, your school nurse will show the boys a certain video, and the girls a certain video. My school nurse showed us the videos at the end of the fifth grade year. After seeing these videos, most of us go home to mom and dad with a ton of questions. My parents didn't quite know how to answer these specific questions for me.For those of you who don't know, girls with Turner's syndrome hardly ever go through puberty naturally. Most girls with Turner's have to have some sort of Hormone Replacement Therapy(HRT). My parents decided along with my doctors that we should wait as long as possible to see if I would start puberty on my own before starting me on an HRT.

While we were waiting to see what mother nature had in store for me, my pediatrician wanted to run a couple more tests to see if anything else that typically happens to girls with Turner's was going on with me. The first thing he wanted to check was if my growth platelets had started "capping off". The reason for this test was because if possible he wanted to start me on growth hormone therapy. Unfortunately for me, my growth platelets were too far capped to do the therapy. Some of you have probably been doing research and are having mixed feelings about growth hormones. Those mixed feelings are very understandable. From the research i've looked at, it seems as if the hormone therapy does work, but only if you start it early enough.

The second test that my pediatrician wanted to do was just an ultrasound of my kidneys to make sure I didn't have any abnormalities in my kidneys(Horseshoe kidney). With that test we were in luck, I didn't have any issues.

As we were kind of waiting for mother nature to take it's course as far as puberty goes, I started noticing all my freinds one by one starting puberty way before me. Some people might be asking " what's the big deal? It sucks being a girl during that part of the month!", which normally I agree with. When I was a teenager though, it was this one more thing that made me totally feel left out. First, I was always the smallest in my class, I was known as the teacher's pet, now this? I felt like a total outcast. I just wanted one things to go "normal" for me. Then when I turned about 14, since mother nature hadn't taken it's course, I was put on a form of Hormone Replacement Therapy. For me, my pediatrician started me on premarin to get my body to begin my cycles, I was simultaneously starting birth control for the estrogen replacement to continue having my cycles. As you can probably guess, my dad wsn't too happy with his 14yr old daughter being on birth control......mom took care of that.

Between not starting puberty on time and always being the smallest, I have never quite felt my age. Let me tell you, it's not always fun. For example, my best freind and I, along with her fiance walked into a sotre once, mind you I am the oldest out of the three of us, the clerk ended up assumimg I was the daughter of my best freind and her fiance. If you were to talk to me face to face though, you would probably say that I am quite mature and intelligent beyond my years. The joke around the house when I was growing up was that I was something like thirteen going on thirty.

One thing I want everyone who reads this to remember, that despite all these struggles that I've gone through with the Turner's, I always stay true to who I am and not let anyone bend me. Sure the short jokes and comments about my height and comments on how young I look can get to me some days, but for the most part I just let the haters keep hating and do my own thing. I do my best to remember that the comments and jokes usually come from people who know nothing about my situation and they usually don't mean to be rude, they are just curious.

Stay Tuned For Part III.......