I'm a member of a few Turner's support groups on facebook and there is a repeat question that is constantly asked..."Does the pain of infertility ever go away?". Sadly everyone I have to report that at least for the woman I know who have fertility issues it doesn't ever one hundred percent ever go away. There are reminders everywhere you look too.
Here is what I personally have gone through. When I first got test results back on my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) levels I was immediately in denial. I thought that just because a hormone level was off it didn't matter. My mind told me that I could change those levels with diet or taking a pill or something. It didn't really hit me that hard. A little over a year later I had a pelvic ultrasound done to find out exactly what was going on with my "equipment" so to speak. It didn't REALLY hit me until after I got the results of that ultrasound. That day I will never forget. That day made my heart break into a thousand pieces. My doctor had personally called me with the results instead of having the nurse tell me. She told me I have what is called a bilatteral uterus. This basically means that my uterus is divided in two. The ultrasound also revealed that my ovaries were either non-existent or at the most what they call "streaks". Between knowing what my FSH levels were, the bilatteral uterus, and basically being told I have no ovaries I broke down majorly. I spent a good half an hour straight balling my eyes out. I had to compose myself though, because I had to be to work two hours after the phone call was recieved from my doctor.
Of course you would think that you might have at maximum a couple weeks of devestation and then be back to normal, and that's true to a certain extent. The truth of the matter is that deep down I truly have accepted the fact that I won't be a birth mother. Here are ways that it will catch up with you though. At least for me, it's really tough to hear every time a family member or freind is pregnant. I am always genuinely happy for them, but at the same time it's always a reminder that I won't have the joy of posting an ultrasound pic on facebook of a baby that is growing inside of ME. It's a reminder that I will never get to look at my someday Husband and tell him that the baby is moving and reach for his hand to let him feel it. Something at least that also makes it hard for me is working in a grocery store. You may be thinking to yourself " How on earth does that have anything to do with infertility?". The truth is that it's very difficult to see all these young couples come in, I'm talking that they are my regular customers from soon after they meet, and slowly see them get married and get the whole happy ending when I know that there will be one key piece for me always missing.
There will always be those people too who tell you" It's not the end of the world. You can always adopt.". I know they mean well, but the people who say that don't understand the half of how difficult an adoption really is.First off, the cost alone is substantial. Then you have at least a hundred different hoops to jump through. IVF is just as frustrating. Sometimes the embryos aren't viable, after transfer there is the high risk of miscarriage, and many more things that could still go wrong.
For me, on the day to day I don't struggle with it too bad. I handle it pretty well. It's when I see the pregnant customers at work though, or see on facebook about family getting pregnant. These things and a few others are my triggers for getting reminded about and not really feeling too great about it. For many women who suffer from infetility it makes us feel useless too. Makes us feel like we can't fulfill one of the major things that nature made us for. We worry if we have a man in our life that not being able to bear him children will make him run in the opposite direction.
For you guys reading that have a woman in your life with infertility I have only one piece of advise for you gents to help you out because I know this situation isn't a good one for you guys just as much as it is difficult for us women to go through. You guys sometimes feel useless in trying to make us feel better about the situation. The only thing you can really do is just be there for the woman in your life and assure her that you will always be there no matter what happens. Most of the time that's all we need to hear. We might need to hear it more than a few times though.
There you have it folks. A litte insight as to what you women can expect to go through as you wait for the test results to come back, when you do get the results back, and more. What helps me get through those days when I have a lot of reminders is journaling and reminding myself that my situation doesn't make me any less of a woman or person. I hope this post is very helpful to everyone who reads it and as always.......may us butterflies always soar!
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